A Love/Hate Relationship

Let's lay it out how it really is.

Parenting is the most rewarding, but also the hardest thing we have ever done!

Every single day is set forth with different challenges, set backs, and breakthroughs.
One day may be a complete success. You got your kids up, dressed, fed, and out the door on time. They went to bed at a decent hour and even ate all their dinner (which NEVER happens).

BUT...there are always those other days. The days your children fight CONSTANTLY. Getting them up and out the door is like pulling teeth! Why did you even cook that meal, because your son hates it all of sudden. They have been down the stairs fifteen times and you sent them to bed an hour ago!  Those are the days that you just have to throw in the towel and try again tomorrow.

I have a Love/Hate relationship with being a stay at home mom. This is the very thing that I knew God wanted me to do. It is the thing I longed for the most and here we are, three kids in and I am living the absolute dream.. most days!

You read that right... MOST days.

I am going to be very real and honest with you about what it is like for me being a stay at home mom. The reality is.. it's the hardest but most rewarding thing I have ever done. Bare with me as I go into why...

WHY I HATE MOMMIN'

1. It's beyond lonely.
Each day is the same for the most part. We wake up and do our day to day business which includes: homeschooling, meals, cleaning, diaper changes, naps, more cleaning, more diapers. Before you know it... the day is over. In that time, I talk a lot. I have full conversations every single day, but 90% of the time, it's with my children. When I signed up for being a stay at home mom, it never occurred to me that I would (here's me being very raw...) feel like I'm trapped in my home. I'll be honest. It took me a long time to really be okay with staying home constantly and not going places with my friends. You have to understand. I now have three children: one is autistic, one is a sassy toddler, and one is a newborn. We do not see the light of day often. Our four walls is where we subside. It is hard for us to get out, especially when my husband is working. So, I stay home with my babies, which I love, but it can be very lonely. AND IF I HEAR BABY SHARK ONE MORE TIME.....

2. What even is sleep?
7 weeks ago, I had our sweet Joelle. She fits into our family so perfectly, but let's be honest here... I forgot how much sleep I lost once a new baby comes into the picture. Before Joelle, I slept at night my nine hours. I also was taking a nap every day with Journee when I was pregnant with Joelle. I LOVE MY SLEEP! Who doesn't right? Joelle came and completely turned that upside down! I now am up most evenings until 3 AM then again by six for another feeding and force myself to get up by eight, but each day it gets harder to get up. I sure do miss not feeling exhausted every day. There's only so much coffee you can drink in a day...

3. Date night? What's that?
You heard that right. Before children or even if you just have one, you really feel like you have all the time in the world to spend with you spouse. I have three children. I literally have no idea the last time we had a kid free date. Maybe when we were dating... my poor husband. 😅
(My plan is to change that... but I have three children and I have literally tried to change that for three years.. so here's to hoping... 😋)

4. Mom Guilt is SO Real. 
I know you feel it too! Mom guilt can literally cripple you. Especially if you suffer from anxiety and depression... (that'd be me). You wonder if you should have said that differently. Were you too harsh? Is he watching too much tv? Did I really just have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a second night? Every moment we are critiquing ourselves and wondering if we are doing this thing right. It's nerve wrecking!


5. Can I just pee in peace?!
Yeah... I don't honestly remember the last time I took a bathroom break without a child in there with me or banging on the door to let them in. Now Journee has learned how to open the door..

Parenting is hard.
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.
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EXTREMELY!

BUT! There are so many great things about being a parent that completely out way the bad!

WHY MOMMIN' IS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE

1. Endless Love!
People come in and out of your life. Relationships begin and end... but not with your children. My children are the most loving little people I've ever met! Jaxon could give you hugs all day long. Now it hasn't always been that way. With autism, he HATED snuggles and hugs growing up. Now we have to tell him about boundaries because he will hug complete strangers. He is SUCH a lover! Journee is shy with others, but when it comes to our family, she could snuggle all day. I love to hear her little voice ask momma for "shuggles". It never gets old. I lost a lot of people in my life, but one thing I can hold onto is I will always have my babies. I always have friends and someone to hold my hand.

2. My Perspective has Changed!
Growing up, my childhood was a bit rocky, a story for another day. I had no idea what parenting was like, what you had to go through, what you had to sacrifice. If I could say anything really good about my childhood, it was the love and sacrifice of my mother. Being a parent myself now, it really opened my eyes to what she had to go through to get to where she is now. I look up to her more than anything! One of the best things about being a mom, is having her as my baby's mamaw. She is the epitome of what a mamaw and momma should be. I wouldn't be the mommy I am today without her.

3. I have purpose!
Again, I will hit this topic another day, but growing up, I knew God had a purpose and a plan for my life. I knew eventually I would be here today looking back and thanking God for what he has done. I just never knew what that was. The ugliness of what I had to walk through as a child left me feeling worthless as a teenager. I didn't aspire to do anything great. It took me a long time to really figure out what I was supposed to do with my life. One day, as an adult, it finally clicked. I wanted to be a mommy and a wife. It was my deepest desire and through trial and error.. here we are. I have found my purpose. I am living out my dream.

4. I can obsess over Disney and blame it on my kids!
I have a very real obsession with Disney, cheesy Disney movies, all things Disney really. Now I have children and I can collect toys for them.. but really they're for me! The other thing I love is when I am in public and begin singing loudly or making animal noises... no one bats an eye because I have a toddler with me.. but if I was alone... I'd get some glances. 😂

5. I can be myself and they'll love me anyway. 
This is so huge.  I love that I can wear a pair of leggings, a shirt with a stain, and have the WILDEST hair and my sweet Jaxon will still let me know how beautiful I am. I can be me around my kids. They aren't going to tell me I am crazy for thinking, dressing, or acting a certain way. They are going to love me every step of the way, unconditionally.


Parenting is the best decision I have ever made.

I could not imagine my life without those three little babies.

IF I had a chance to go back and redo something.. I wouldn't.
I love our chaotic little beautiful life.



Until next time... be blessed! 💓