How to Survive Having a Toddler and a Newborn

I recently became a mom of three amazing children. Jaxon is 6, Journee is 2, and Joelle is now 5 months.  In the last several months, I have learned how to function as a parent with not only three children, but as a parent of a toddler and newborn.

This came with many challenges, to say the least, and surely added some extra chaos but after several months... I may finally have the hang of it.

1. Do Your Best to Stick to a Schedule, But Also Be Okay with Change

This was a hard one for me at first. With just two children, having a schedule really worked great for us. Journee had her specific nap times, Jaxon had school time and scheduled television time. It was all around quite a bit easier. Then we added sweet little Joelle to the mix and everything I worked so hard to accomplish with our schedule went right out the door. Nap times were a mess, the television seemed to be on quite a lot because Joelle needed to eat often and trying to breastfeed constantly and keep an eye on everyone and everything else became quite impossible. To top it all off, I had an injury during labor that caused me to be on what seemed like a second bedrest because I couldn't walk. Stressed out was an understatement. So, to keep your right mind in all of this... do your very best to make a schedule and try to stick to it. It may have to change a bit, but be okay with tweaking to find what works best with your children.

2. Clean as You Go

This is so crucial to not having a messy house all of the time. This is something I really struggled with for most of the last five months. I am slowly learning now that after meals, I have to immediately clean up all of the messes, or it just will not get done (and nobody likes to have to clean up 8-day old syrup off of your chair). As the messes happen, stop and attack the mess before it gets out of hand. Too many times, it got out of hand and all it did was bring on more stress.

3. Utilize Your Toddler's Willingness to Help

Journee loves her baby sister, so much so that she also loves to help mommy with EVERYTHING baby-related. This can be a blessing and a curse, of course. I try my best to allow her to help as much as possible. Even though she is only two, she can still help some. Don't be afraid to let them do the little things to help ease some of the load. Journee loves to get the diaper and wipes for me during changes. She sits with her and talks with her while I get food. She goes and grabs blankets, toys, and pacifiers. She just loves to help her mommy with her little sister and let's be very honest, having the extra set of hands (no matter the size) is really nice!

4. Put Them on the Same Nap Schedule

If you take anything away from this... this one is the one you need to take! Having the girls nap midday at the same time has been literally AMAZING for our family as a whole. Mind you, my husband is working during the day, so most of these will pertain to being home with the kids alone. Joelle is still young enough to need three small naps a day. She sleeps around ten for maybe thirty minutes and the same for around five. At noon I get the girls changed and they both lay down by 12:30. They normally are asleep in minutes and are out until 3:30. This time is when Jaxon and I homeschool and I can get cleaning and some work done between lessons. Like I said before, if you take anything away...this is the one that will change everything! The same can be said about bedtime! All three of my children are in bed at 8PM and it has literally helped even my mental health in so many ways.


5. Set Aside Time Just for Your Toddler and Other Children

This is very important. Before baby, your toddler was the baby and they now have to share their mommy and daddy with someone else who needs so much attention. Make sure to set aside time just for them and your other children if you have more. During Joelle's small naps, Journee knows that is her mommy time. Most times it is spent cuddled up on the couch, especially in the mornings. Other times we spend it learning our shapes, colors, ABCs, and numbers. Whatever it may be that we do during that time, it is so important to her and to me that she has her time, too. Jax and I get nap times alone and it has been awesome for us. It can be hard to find time for all of them, but to keep things smooth in the house (as smooth as it can be with multiple children), this is so important.

This life can be tough, having little ones so close together. Just think though, in a few years they will grow to be very close. Watching them grow and learn together is so rewarding.

 I know how hard some days can be. Let's be honest here... every single time I leave the room, Journee pulls out something. This picture shows her bread adventure! She also squeezed into her sister's six-month pants! On top of that, just today she took my half-full 44 oz Diet Mountain Dew and dumped it into my brand new double stroller, then dumped a bag of cereal on top of it. If anyone gets how hard this can be, I sure do.

They are only little for a short time momma. Enjoy every second of this life, because before you know it, you'll blink and they'll be all grown up! 💓

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Take Care of Yourself Mama!

This is a long post Mamas. I really encourage you to stick it out with me as I speak on how important self-care is.

Ladies, self-care is so important. It is so easy for us to put ourselves on the back burner. 

We have children, a husband, some of us have animals, LOADS of laundry and dishes.
Somehow during all of that, we have to find time to feed and bathe our kids, change diapers, clean up the many spills (because I thought it was a good idea to teach my two year old how to drink out of a "big-girl" cup). There are some of us that work on top of everything else. Then there's me...I'm going to have all of that and I'm going to homeschool my son, too. What really was I thinking?

A typical day looks something like this:

• At 7:30 we get up and get cleaned up which takes a good half hour.
• Around 8, we try to get some breakfast for the kids and have devotional time. 

• At 8:30 we have now added in a family workout time which mainly consists of Just Dance Videos.
• From 9 to 11,  Jaxon and I homeschool and Daddy takes over learning and playtime with the girls.
• 11 hits and Jax is allowed to play a learning game online (normally on PBSKids) while I get lunch.
• From noon to 1, Jax and I finish up any school left over for the day and my husband gets the girls to nap. He then heads out to work. 
• From 1 to 3 the girls nap and Jaxon is allowed to either play or have some television time. This is my time to clean the house while it's quiet and there aren't little monsters running around destroying my house! This is NEVER enough time. NEVER. 
• At 3, the girls get up and changed, then we have a snack.
• 3:30 rolls around, snack is cleaned up and the two oldest have chore time. Mind you, they are 6 and 2. One is autistic, one is sassy, this time of the day doesn't ever go the way I would like it to go! Normally I can get a very small amount of help...I'll take what I can get!
• At 4 we try to read a story together and at 4:15 we do a family activity. This normally consists of crafting, board games, or just playing in their ridiculous amount of toys.
• I split off from them around 5 and get dinner made to be ready by 5:30.

• After we clean up dinner, we watch an episode or two of their favorite shows, thanks to On Demand! 
• At 7:30 we clean up any toys left out, brush teeth, say our prayers, have one more story, and the kids are in bed by 8.
• At this point, I do a quick workout, then I literally work from 8:30 to about 3 AM most evenings (this is also the time I find is best to write my blog entries since it's so quiet). Then I wake up and do it all over again. 

(Disclaimer: I have AWFUL sleep insomnia, which is good for my job, not so good for my health. I really should talk to someone about this)

As you can see, our life is BUSY. Which, I'm sure, yours looks very similar. A lot of families don't have a set schedule and if they do, not as strict as we try to make ours, but with our son being autistic, he THRIVES off of stability and repetition. 

AND on top of it, we fit in doctor appointments and three weekly therapy sessions. 

So when do I have time for me? The reality is I really don't have time for me. Somehow I am learning to squeeze it in each day, but it hasn't always been this way. I have NEVER prioritized my needs above my children or my husband. They need so much from me, I just was never important anymore. I never did my make up, my hair was always a mess, I even dressed like your typical "hot mess mom" on a daily basis. 

After having my third child at the end of October, I had a huge realization that I could no longer put myself on the back burner. 

Just a back story: I found out I was pregnant about the end of January in 2018. At the beginning of January I was working at Goodwill part time for some extra income. I really was enjoying it, but missed my children. I started a weight loss challenge and in January alone had lost 30 pounds! 

This may sound silly to some, but I really am in tune with my body. I know my cycles, ovulation dates, and I know exactly when I am pregnant because my heart rate rises. I used a Fitbit to monitor steps at work since I was trying to be healthier. That also watched my heart rate. I was standing, doing nothing and my heart rate (which was normally resting at about 85) shot up to 120. I knew right away... I was only two weeks pregnant. I took a test two weeks later and two lines appeared. Because of this, I immediately quit my job, because each pregnancy I have does the same thing to me...

As the weeks progressed I began to have extremely high blood pressure beginning at only 18 weeks. I was in and out of the hospital, given several medications. This eventually landed me on a very long bed rest because even a very short trip to the bathroom from my couch, it would skyrocket. 

After I had Joelle, I thought all of this was going to be over. I had a plan on how to get my house back in order... because it had not been cleaned to my standards in MONTHS. I was excited to sleep in my own bed, because I wasn't allowed to climb any stairs, thus leaving me confined to the couch. 

All of my hope of this shattered after I had Joelle. 

During labor, I had the epidural. The anesthesiologist did the same procedure he's done a million times, but this time was different. He missed the spot he needed to hit and instead, hit a nerve causing nerve damage instantly.

After you have a baby, you normally can get up and shower immediately after and walk around. For me, this wasn't the case. I literally had NO feeling in my left leg. From my hip to my toes was completely numb and dead weight. I couldn't walk at all for two days, which was the time spent in the hospital, which (I'm weird but) I absolutely love this time to bond and be out of my house for a couple days. I did not enjoy this at all. I couldn't pick her up, I had to have people basically drag me with a walker to use the bathroom. I was completely miserable and almost fell too many times to count. On the second day of this, part of my upper leg gained some feeling, but only enough that I wasn't completely dragging it anymore. I was still completely numb from my upper thigh to my toes, but with the hip not as numb, this gave me better range of motion of my leg. 

I went home again.. confined to the couch. I couldn't walk up any stairs. Every single time I tried, my leg gave out and I fell. Every. Single. Time. I had to use a walker to move around the house. I couldn't clean, I couldn't stand long enough to cook before it became weak and gave out. I, again was COMPLETELY MISERABLE.

I suffered for six weeks after I had her. SIX. LONG. WEEKS. After being on bed rest for MONTHS!

(Side note, my shower is upstairs, 20 stairs, and I couldn't even walk up one)

By the grace of God only, did my leg heal. I reached out to several women who still have numbness after 13 years and some are wheelchair bound after the same injury! 

Now, I said all that to say what all of that did to me. I suffer greatly with mental illness. Mental illness is such a real thing that people just don't like to talk about. I want to really encourage you today, that you're not alone in this and it's okay to talk about!

I became extremely depressed and full of anxiety. This is something I have battled my whole life, but it just was never properly addressed. I went back for a check up to see my OBGYN and she asked me how I was (this was before my leg completely healed, about three weeks in to check my blood pressure). I broke down, hyperventilated, full blown panic attack, I just lost it. In that moment, I knew I wasn't okay. She then prayed with me and told me how awesome I was like she always does (she is and always will be a huge blessing to me). She then prescribed me medication to counteract the way I was feeling. This has helped my state of mind tremendously and I am literally sitting here in tears thinking about how much of a change it has made in my home.

Where does this fit in with self-care?

After months of bed rest, then 6 weeks of suffering from an injury, then being prescribed medication to counteract my mental health, I realized very quickly as I came into 2019 that this was going to be a year to really focus on making myself better in many areas of my life. This really begins by taking time out each day for myself. Even if it is just twenty minutes to fix my hair and make up, so be it. 

It is so important to make me-time a priority mama! It is so easy to fall back into a rut if you don't.

Take some time to go get your hair done, get you nails done, even go find a nice coffee shop to sit in alone for 20 minutes to sip your coffee in peace. I am sure your husband can handle things for 20 minutes. 

Some of you may be thinking, "well, I can't afford those things". Listen... a face mask is $1 at Walmart, grab a cheap box of hair dye just to fill in your roots for now, even grab some cheap press on nails. There are ways mama! Don't let money stop you! Lay those babies down for their nap and just run to the bathroom and focus on you! 

Today, the girls went down for nap, I made myself some coffee, and I went straight to the bathroom. I put on some quiet music, dyed my hair, did a quick clay mask, and then went back to housework. It didn't take too much time out of my day. The hair dying process can be a bit time consuming, but it was well worth it for my mental health.. and my roots were getting CRAZY! 

That's what it is all about mama. Even if it is just twenty minutes here and there, take time to make it happen. You need to be your best self for your babies and your spouse. 

Your schedule may be hectic just like mine and you just don't have the time in the day...It's time to make time for you! So, grab that clay mask or take some time to do a full face of make up! You need to feel beautiful every single day, even if you're just staying home. Your husband will be okay for 20 minutes! Take time to focus on you to make sure you are your best self for your children and husband, but most importantly for YOU! 

Thank you for sticking it out with me! 

And thank you for taking time out of your day to support what I do.

Until next time, 

      BE BLESSED ❤